Author Topic: Being rejected because of weight!  (Read 200 times)

Offline peacemaker

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Being rejected because of weight!
« on: June 29, 2010, 05:42:01 am »
I might have to pore all this out in many diffrent posts along this, because it is a pretty long one!

I had told my hubby for the first time last week, that I had been dealing with wanting to kill myself because of the weight.
Now I have had a pretty big ride with this, and not I am not going to do it...just have those thought pop in where they dont belong is all!  But let me fill you all in to the ends and outs of it all.  My thyroid seems to be the biggest struggle, and next the abuses of others I have had to deal with from being a size 4 in the plus sizes.  I dont want something unresible about this, I dont want to be a 3, so skinny I look like a stick.  But it wound be really nice to be out of the plus sizeds altogether, and in to normal sizes.  To go into a store and not be asked when I am do with a baby, I cant even get my hubby to help make :ashamed0005:!  He loves me, he just cant bring himself to love me like that!  We are all old enough to know how mens minds work, so not being attactive in that way to him causes so many many struggles I wouldnt wish on my worst enemy! 
I have for a pretty long time wanted a child, and it seems like it isnt going to happen!  I have stood on hope, dreaming of the day when this all will go away from me, the laughing will stop, the women that size me up with a look of, "g's what is she doing with him!" or The outright flirting that my hubby seems to be blinded to.  I have never dealt with the kind of jealoucy that makes on feel like hurting someone, but I have.  I know now that there is even a women at my hubby's work that is trying to play the damzel in destrass, and trying to make things happen all the time so she could talk to him.  I want to tell my hubby to cut if off, but it is like he is more of a target for this kind of thing from happening because of being in a ministry.  He just has to help this women.  I .....ok the skrean is jumping....

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Offline peacemaker

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Re: Being rejected because of weight!
« Reply #1 on: June 29, 2010, 05:57:28 am »
By the time the screen jumps I cant see to try and speel the words right, sorry for that...but this is the way i have to do it for now!
Well, I thought my hubby was pretty done helping her, but he came back and asked me to look up info for her on Arthritist, and I was like....boy that is one I wish would just stop!  But at less he told me, and is making me do the work, maybe she will get that he isnt going to let something happen.  I hope!  I had a pretty nasty moment from a inlaw that came to help us move.  She reads my posts I post on the other forum every day, loves to cause trouble, and gossips pretty bad too.  If I need prayer about privet stuff I cant post it open like as everyone else gets to, because all she knew will find out about it.  My hubby and I have talked about adopting, because we want to have one more, yet...she comes along and lies to me saying she just talked to him and he said he had no entation in having anymore kids, or adopting any.  They she stood their and waited as the pain washed right over me, as I told her that she must be wrong, nope...he just to  her that!  I went for weeks ticked off at him for saying something he didnt say, until G-d told me to go and talk to him and ask him if he had said that.  He then was ticked, couldnt believe she would act that way.  But she did it to cause me pain.
This weight/ thyroid struggle is so overly big I can help but wonder what in the world is G-d thinking...not that I am chellanging him at all, he has a good reason for it....I just cant is it overwelming to me that he would feel I could handle it....when I just dont want to....

jumping ;

Offline peacemaker

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Re: Being rejected because of weight!
« Reply #2 on: June 29, 2010, 06:05:57 am »
If I could just awake one morning and have my body back, how sweet that would really be!

Offline cizz

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Re: Being rejected because of weight!
« Reply #3 on: June 29, 2010, 06:46:18 am »
Laurel sister,

I am so sorry you are having trouble with your posting screen, Suzanne's is doing the same thing. I will keep trying to find a fix for it.

Sister, I am so glad you can share openly here with us, my heart goes out to you. I you shared with me before your desires for another child and I pray the Lord hears your heart in this. Your mother-in-law sounds like she has some major issues! I only hope my own sons can find a wife as loving and precious as you are  :inlove: Your mother-in-law does not know how blessed she and her son are to have you.

Offline RoseofSharon

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Re: Being rejected because of weight!
« Reply #4 on: June 29, 2010, 10:36:30 am »
 :inlove: I wish it were simple enough to say that I share your pain, but I know it's not that simple. I'll check my books and see what I can do to help. Have you and your hubby considered counselling it might help with the emotional side. I feel for you I really do, as yes I understand. I wish I could do more to help, but I'll certainly pray for you.

Offline peacemaker

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Re: Being rejected because of weight!
« Reply #5 on: June 29, 2010, 01:44:30 pm »
Fact is no amount of counceling can make him want me like that!  In fact, as hard as it is to say...I wouldnt want to do that act with him if it was him that was like me!  He doesnt treat me bad now like his mother drove him to go years ago, and he does say he loves me and even acts like it.  He is kind in many ways and even tries to be effactionate in front of our kid, for boy that would have done me in if I had ever thought she knew about this one thing... :ashamed0005:  And in many ways he has been doing thing, for himself mostly to make a point not to fall into hurting me.  He is even acted protective from others seeking to harm me.  Like his mother.  That took years to happen!  It is just this one thing that hasnt changed.  I find women think their husbands should want them like that if they are not attacted to them, it ticks me off that he doesnt, but intruth...I wouldnt, and understand. 

We talk about it, so I will not go to a councelor and talk about something that will not go away, nor have an way to fix it. 


It just needs prayer!!!  lots of it!!!

Offline RoseofSharon

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Re: Being rejected because of weight!
« Reply #6 on: June 29, 2010, 03:05:08 pm »
You got that!!! And lots of it.

Offline me2lord

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Re: Being rejected because of weight!
« Reply #7 on: June 29, 2010, 04:34:37 pm »
Dear precious sister, Lauren.   

The obstacles of marriage every woman has and every man too.   Continue serving the Lord as you do,  treating everyone with love and what is meant to be will be, It is painful and not easy, seeing women come after your man...I have seen this myself with mine....but, I decided not to be haunted with this ordeal and made a decision I will share it with you. Don't know if it will help, but maybe you can gleam something.

My first husband was a flirt and womanizer.  Being married to him, I felt I had to be everywhere he was  to push the women away...a horrible way to live because I was afraid affairs would happen and I didn't want my marriage destroyed...well, he brought a woman into my house and slept with her and my neighbor called me and told me what was going on while I was with my dying daddy in another state... we divorced.   My husband had left me for Kristy McNichols cousin, Elizabeth who was an actress also.  and had been having an affair with her for some time.

I felt  that I wasted 7 yrs of my life trying to prevent something destined to happen anyway.  Then I married another man who worked in the Motion Picture Ind.  my husband of 14 yrs now.  Women eye him even to this day and he is 70 yrs old...go figure..??? :confused0006:

I made the decision I would not try to prevent an affair, but rather give him over to the women and he would either turn from them and stay with me or it would hurry the process of adultery up and it would be over quicker for me...by doing this I  would be freeing myself from bondage of worrying about these things. 

A decision I made after the first marriage...my husband now, he asked me in the beginning, didn't this bother me with the women...I said 'NO",  because if you want them go, I don't want to be married to a man I have to compete for against other women and if he cheated on me I would be gone, that simple.

I cut the worrying out about this husband and often throw him to the Lions to see if he cares about me more than them. and he showed his love for me was greater. 

 I don't question him, and when I see a woman enticed with him....believe it when I tell you I walk out of the room and leave him in it..to fin for himself because it is his duty to turn them away not mine.

My encouragement to you Lauren, is when the woman is attracted to your husband walk away as this is his problem and his faithfulness should be to God and honor to you.   You can not change what their decision will be, you can only change what your actions can be.  you can free yourself from the struggle of your not all you could be, by accepting who your are and loving yourself, overweight or not because the Lord is your God and not people's opinion of you.

You serve the Lord in your body and mind and heart,  none of us can change another human from adultery but the one being subjected to it. They answer to the Lord for that sin which carries a greater condemnation than other sins and they are playing with eternal fire from God.  Your husband being a minister should know this and above all sins this one should be first on his mind not to do.

I would put away the worrying and remind him of the consequences of sin these women will entice him with ministering to them and to stay strong and pray for him asking God to give him strength in this ordeal.   Pick yourself up and go forth in God's words living it and realize you are doing all you are required by God and the rest lies upon your husband to not sin and free yourself from all this guilt of being overweight it is just Satan trying to weaken you so that you are incompetent  in your walk with God.

Love you sister.
Vickie


 
the father said he was sending the tribulation through the seed of Ishmael  and they are camped around us now.  Trust the Lord in the times of trouble that is near to all of us.   The Lord is coming.

Offline dgbygrace

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Re: Being rejected because of weight!
« Reply #8 on: June 29, 2010, 08:51:28 pm »
I am praying for you precious sister.
The only true work of art is a human soul,
all else is but a reflection

Offline peacemaker

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Re: Being rejected because of weight!
« Reply #9 on: June 30, 2010, 04:05:01 am »
me2lord, Boy I could just  Bighug for that!  Well said!

I just want to make some things clear.  He hasnt cheated on me, but that this is making it hard on me.  I have to deal with not only the rejection, but lust.  I have a hard time sleeping, and am on the forums to keep my mind from being taken over by bad thoughts....you know...hold every thought captive to Christ!  It helps a great deal to focus on positive things. 
the other thing is, he hasnt have affairs, or cheated on me....but you are right, I should stop the worring...and let G-d take care of it.  We in our church have a rule when our men our helping women, they are to take their wives!  Code red, stop...and not be alone with a women is what they call it.  They support each other over these things to not cause trouble.  My hubby is smart, but he doesnt think the women are after him as much as I say they are, and laughts.  I know him enough to know that I think he is starting to see on his own about this women at his work and her games, and I think that is why he came home and told me to find the info and send her the emails.  As well, we had nothing from each other...so when I struggle with lust...I tell him and we both pray about it, seem for him.  That is about the best idea we came up with about this!  But boy, it is pretty hard not to want to nock some girls head off that treats me like I am less of a person next to him.  Boy I can tell you some stories, that he tells freely about oh Saten has took steps to tempt him.  But he has over come those areas. 
It is just this one thing, and out marriage would be perfact.  He has told me that now women is worth lossing what he has and grabs my hand.  This has been good to have a safe place to talk about this!   grouphug

Offline me2lord

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Re: Being rejected because of weight!
« Reply #10 on: July 03, 2010, 03:52:37 am »
Hello Lauren.

We live in a world where it becomes difficult in marriages all to often.   We have to get focused and go forward on what we  know to be the right thing.

We can't stop anything from happening if it is going to happen....it is nothing we can do, and besides you do not want to be with a man you can't trust.

Your husband seems dedicated to the Lord in service to him and you need to lovingly keep supporting him and letting him know you trust him....it means alot to a man to know he is trusted by his wife.   He gets strength from it to be trustworthy...lol  cz008
the father said he was sending the tribulation through the seed of Ishmael  and they are camped around us now.  Trust the Lord in the times of trouble that is near to all of us.   The Lord is coming.

Offline wordarranger

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Re: Being rejected because of weight!
« Reply #11 on: October 07, 2010, 04:52:01 am »
Psalms 138:8 "The Lord will perfect that which concerneth me:" --- Sister I know exactly of what you speak...in our family thyroid disease has been a problem with many of our women. Three of my four daughters battle thyroid disease as well as diabetis. I go to dinner with my daughters and folks look at them as if to say, you should not eat because you have already had enough. The thyroid disease comes from my husband's roots. While he has battled it all through our 48 year marriage, it was different for him when I put on weight, and I was no longer attractive to him. We had some rough years, though I know he never had an affair, I know he fancied himslef to be 'in love' a few times with other womens, because he told me so. Dealing with that was most hurtful.  It was during this time that the Lord dealt with me on a personal level. My weight was due to a undetected diabetis. It is now under control, and the weight is level, though I am not a model. What the Lord taught me through it all, was that if I wanted to be accepted and loved just as I am, I HAD TO ACCEPT AND LOVE MYSELF JUST AS I AM, BECAUSE CHRIST LOVES ME JUST AS I AM. That truth transformed my attitude. I was a happier person, I followed where the Lord led me to develop in women's ministry and a writing career. The most important fact that the Lord revealed to me was that I cannot control others but I can control myself. That fruit grew in my life. As I developed and matured changes took place, I became aware that people no longer looked at me as "what I saw in the mirror" each day, but they began to see Christ in me, and to respond the the Christ in me. I am now a senior citizen, I love this time in life, and as I look back I see how the LORD perfected those things that concerned me...especially the physical image of myself. Dear SISTER, relax in the Lord, just lean into HIM with all you got, He will hold you up, and HE WILL PERFECT THIS IN YOUR LIFE ALSO. Sending you HIS LOVE TODAY, and sending UP PRAYERS ON YOUR BEHALF. Praise God I have been able to impart these truths to my own daughters. They are just fine with the weight, and yielding to the leading of the Lord in dealing with it.
"No man can come unto me, except the father which hath sent me draw him: and I will raise him up at the last day." John 6:44

Offline me2lord

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Re: Being rejected because of weight!
« Reply #12 on: October 09, 2010, 02:08:47 am »
Psalms 138:8 "The Lord will perfect that which concerneth me:" --- Sister I know exactly of what you speak...in our family thyroid disease has been a problem with many of our women. Three of my four daughters battle thyroid disease as well as diabetis. I go to dinner with my daughters and folks look at them as if to say, you should not eat because you have already had enough. The thyroid disease comes from my husband's roots. While he has battled it all through our 48 year marriage, it was different for him when I put on weight, and I was no longer attractive to him. We had some rough years, though I know he never had an affair, I know he fancied himslef to be 'in love' a few times with other womens, because he told me so. Dealing with that was most hurtful.  It was during this time that the Lord dealt with me on a personal level. My weight was due to a undetected diabetis. It is now under control, and the weight is level, though I am not a model. What the Lord taught me through it all, was that if I wanted to be accepted and loved just as I am, I HAD TO ACCEPT AND LOVE MYSELF JUST AS I AM, BECAUSE CHRIST LOVES ME JUST AS I AM. That truth transformed my attitude. I was a happier person, I followed where the Lord led me to develop in women's ministry and a writing career. The most important fact that the Lord revealed to me was that I cannot control others but I can control myself. That fruit grew in my life. As I developed and matured changes took place, I became aware that people no longer looked at me as "what I saw in the mirror" each day, but they began to see Christ in me, and to respond the the Christ in me. I am now a senior citizen, I love this time in life, and as I look back I see how the LORD perfected those things that concerned me...especially the physical image of myself. Dear SISTER, relax in the Lord, just lean into HIM with all you got, He will hold you up, and HE WILL PERFECT THIS IN YOUR LIFE ALSO. Sending you HIS LOVE TODAY, and sending UP PRAYERS ON YOUR BEHALF. Praise God I have been able to impart these truths to my own daughters. They are just fine with the weight, and yielding to the leading of the Lord in dealing with it.

What a great testimony....I am so glad you are here on this forum with us...as we are all suffering in some form or another...my husband has cancer...but our Lord is good and he is providing a way through it...just gotta keep the faith and stay in the spirit...

In Christ's love
Vickie
the father said he was sending the tribulation through the seed of Ishmael  and they are camped around us now.  Trust the Lord in the times of trouble that is near to all of us.   The Lord is coming.