My musing

[cizz]

Why do we chase after love so hard? Love is the one motivator that compels us for most everything we do and try to do, the want of gaining love to the want of expressing it..

When we start to look at our motives for the things we do, down to even the simplest of things, being a woman I have questioned and asked myself why do I wear makeup? What am I doing with that stuff! Just the name itself tells what I'm doing with it...I'm making up a new face for myself because I don't like the face I have...and why don't I like my face? because it's not beautiful to all people..and why do I want all people to find me beautiful? So they will 'love' me...

I can side track myself with many excuses of why I do something like the makeup, "well I just want to feel better about myself" to "I would like for others to admire me" <disguised in the form of "my husband or boyfriend likes me to wear it!" There are endless excuses that I can use to try and not see the simple truth..I want to feel loved..

Let me flip this simple thing on it's head with some more truth...

My wanting to feel loved has compelled me to do what with makeup? 

Try this truth..it has compelled me to cover up my face and never allow the true face to be seen...it has compelled me to try and deceive others. My want of love has me hiding the truth from others...

So needless to say once I realized what I was doing, I don't have a really good motive for wearing makeup now..because when you really love someone in order to express that love would you desire to deceive them. Do you like being deceived?..only when it is a selfish desperate search for the seemingly lack of love do we ever fall into trying to deceive in order to gain.."we are running on there is NO love" in this mode we no longer have motives of expressing love, just gaining it...

We all know how it feels to feel there is a lack of that and besides how can you express something you can't feel? Something you are believing is out of your reach, got to find it and have it before you can express it...can't express love til I get love and I can only get that from others... Others now rule over me with being able to give me love and then sometimes not give it me, so I try to up the chances in the favorable of them giving it to me by trying to remake myself into something that will "please" them..The thought to express it is impossible until you can feel it..have it inside you..

Some will say that is not so! I work very hard to please others and show them I love them...I would say back "really!"...what is trying to please others..motives and motives for what?..self gain.."I want to feel loved"

New question, "how many ways can I fool myself into thinking I am expressing love?" 
 

[dgbygrace]

And that is where actually knowing the Lord changes lives!  When you know LOVE, which is what He is, it then releases you from the endless search for love.  This then enables one to actually give love to others!!

[cizz]

It is life changing, when you come to realize that the only love you will ever be able to feel while you're in the world and in the human body cut off and separate from others is the love in your own heart that you have for others, when you find that and realize all things you do in order to try and express it...crazy things too! Lord help us! That's when you start to realize that everybody is trying to express and prove their love also, so you ultimately realize then that not only are you loving but also that you are loved...Takes finding your own heart first and looking at all the things you do and what is driving you to do them, then you will be able to see it in others..

Always comes down to Love'..the want to have it and the want to express (prove) you have it...Love

Consider why does a woman stay in an abusive relationship? Your mind will cover over what she is doing with saying she is afraid, which is part of it but the first few times she experiences the abuse from her mate why doesn't she put a stop to it then? Why do apologies work? We are told to forgive but nowhere are we told we have to continue to allow someone to abuse us in order to prove...Oops...there is that word "prove"...

Really think about what it would take for another human being to do and say that will give you proof positive..WITHOUT any doubts what so ever "that they love you" ???  Are you able to just take their words for it? Or do you look for signs and clues of it in their behaviors also? What are the do's and don'ts on that list of requirements?

I have always known that I love other people, I have always known this...but I have not always paid attention to the little voice inside my head that says, "I don't believe you, can you prove it?" 

I have always known that I am crazy, can see it plainly! Since I can see it and know it, does that make me crazy? I KNOW I'M CRAZY...it's best to just agree with me on that one!   

I know I love...I don't have to prove it because I KNOW I do...it's also best to just agree with me on this one too! 
This one little realization has changed my life in so many ways! I can actually hear "truth" of what is being said, even in small things that aren't meant to hurt but hurt none the less. If someone tries compassionately to cheer me up when I feel down, more so of females to do this..."Why don't you fix your self up, put on so make up and..etc

What did they just say? Make up a new face for yourself because that one you got just sucks! And that was said out of the desire to comfort me!  That is pathetic...It's an insult!  God made our faces just fine!

And Lord help the one that says to me I don't think you love me...Really! Then I think I should leave your azz guessing for a few more years!      I'll just sit back and watch you drive yourself over the edge, do crazy stuff trying to figure it out, throw yourself down on the floor and have two yr. old temper tamper, flop around like a fish out of water! But I know what I know and don't take too kindly to being accused of lying about it..besides why would you even care if a liar loved you or not?  What is so bad is that people that tend to always make statements like "I don't think you love me" to actually always asking you if you love them over and over..I can sense how that is in fact one of their own ways of trying to express their own love toward you with displaying concern in the matter, a desire to know for sure that you do, yet they don't realize how badly they are insulting you..Their own expression of love is in fact a great insult that leaves you feeling UN LOVED! 

[dgbygrace]

Sis...you being crazy and fully willing to admit that iz what I love most about you!  I will write some more later today.  For now off to work! And sorry but out of txts again!!

[cizz]

Daily dose of  can keep you semi sane!!